Monday, February 13, 2006

Completely inappropriate and somewhat disturbing things I say to my dog.

No. You can't go eat more dirt. I don't want to make you feel like I don't accept you as a dog, but people really don't like that.

You pretend you're play fighting, but I know better. You're a very angry little dog! You're filled with anger! And resentment! Anger and resentment! Grr! Grrrrr!! You're seething! You're seething with anger and resentment!!! (Now switch to voice of dog) "I was supposed to be a wolf! You humans fucked me up! You fucked me up!!"

You stink. You're a stinky little dog.

Why must you torment me like this?

Dogs are so dissatisfied. They're full of desires. Dogs never have enough.

OK you little scuzzly butt, let's go for a walk.

(Singing, to the tune of the Waitresses' "I know what boys like") I know what dogs like, I know what pups want. Dogs like, dogs like, dogs like walks. Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah...

You're just evil. You're an evil dog. Evil dog.


At 2:58 PM, February 16, 2006, Blogger arguchik said...

i have read this entry like 3 times now, and i crack up every single time.

i especially like, "you stink. you're a stinky little dog." lol.

i used to say to perry, "you're disgusting. you're the most disgusting dog on the planet." and he would wag his tail and beam pure love back at me. too funny.

as i'm very fond of saying, the dog is the one creature on this planet that deserves to live forever. that they don't is evidence of our fallenness.


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